May is my month: Embracing ADHD and Mental health as an artist.

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Hey y’all,

Soooo....I’ve been wanting a way to connect with y'all deeper! But not just through my social media posts and reels, I wanted to do it in a way that actually means something to me! I wanted a space that I can be vulnerable and talk about my real-life stuff. I feel like my social media is full of mostly highlights and stuff. When I'm creating content for my socials, I usually stick to music related things, I don't usually show or talk too much about my personal life.

I love sharing parts of my journey, but tbh there’s so much more happening behind the scenes that I’ve never opened up about. I'm excited to start this blog because I feel like it's something that connects me to ya'll on a deeper level.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it also happens to be my birthday month. Every time my birthday comes around, it’s like a little reset button gets hit.

So I decided that this would be the perfect time to launch this blog!

I sat for weeks trying to figure out what the first blog entry should be...Since its mental health month I decided to fully open up about something really personal to me: Mental health and living with ADHD as an artist. I actually already started opening up a little bit about my diagnosis on IG a few weeks ago, I got a lot of positive messages and comments from people who were going through the same thing. I found a whole community of people who are just like me, that's something that made opening up easier.

Writing has always been my way to organize my mind, stay focused and release my feelings without the fear of people judging me. Writing in my journal has always been my go-to thing when my mind is full, I just grab a pen or pencil and let it out. There's something therapeutic to me about holding a physical pen and journaling.

This blog is my digital journal, I can dump all of my thoughts, feelings and experiences, but in a form that I can share with ya'll. Typing is therapy for me, the click-clack under my nails keeps my hands busy and locks my thoughts in place. I'm able to hyper focus on what's right in front of me, and the words just flow.

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So…What Even Is ADHD?

Before I even get into the rest of this blog, I wanna break something down real quick...ADHD. Not the textbook version, not the “oh you just can’t sit still” version, but what it actually means, especially for people like me.

"I didn't know what it was... I just thought I was a person who always had a lot goin on."

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but honestly, that name don’t even do it justice for real. Because it’s not really about not being able to “pay attention”, it’s about how I pay attention. It’s a brain chemistry thing. Our brains are low on something called dopamine, that’s the little chemical that helps regulate motivation, pleasure, focus, and the ability to start (and finish) things.

I found out I had ADHD at the end of last year, and it blew my freaking mind. I’ve been living with crap all this time without even knowing! I went to the doctor in 2018, told him what was going on and I was misdiagnosed with anxiety. All these years I just thought I was a person who had bad anxiety.

Growing up, people called me "extra" or said I was "all over the place." I’d start a million things at once, talk a mile a minute, move around like I was on a mission, and create stuff like there was no tomorrow. People would tell me I was too hyper. My mind was always racing with ideas and stuff, and I felt like I had to stay busy all the time, if not I wasn't doing enough.

Most people can kinda push through boring tasks or get started on something just because they know they have to. But with ADHD, if something doesn’t excite me, if it doesn’t pull me in or give me some kind of joy, my brain will literally treat it like it’s invisible. Like it doesn’t exist. Even if I want to do it. Even if I know it’s important. If it doesn’t give my brain that little hit of dopamine…it just won’t click at all.

So, it’s not laziness. It's literally how our brains are wired. It’s like needing jumper cables to start a car every single time you want to drive somewhere. And for me those jumper cables are music, food and spiritual convos. Whatever excites me. But if the spark ain’t there...It’s a wrap for me.

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I'm learning that ADHD is really different for everyone.

For me, it's not that I have trouble getting started on tasks...it's actually that I jump into way too many things at once. It's not about me not being able to concentrate...I'm just trying to focus on a bunch of stuff at the same time. I always feel the need to be doing something, so I end up starting a lot of projects. The good thing about my personal situation is that 99% of the time I get all of the tasks and projects done!

Imagine having 10 pots on the stove cooking and 10 things in the oven at once, and if one thing gets slightly burnt, it feels like a total loss. That's kind of what my life feels like!

It's like I’ll have 47 tabs open in my mind. One reminds me of something I promised to do last week, another telling me to write a new song, another replays a conversation from three days ago, and in the middle of all this, I’m trying to concentrate long enough to write & send an email. It’s chaotic, but it’s my normal.

It feels overwhelming at times, just imagine trying to focus on one thing when your mind is a whirlwind of thoughts.

I get distracted easy! It’s like every little thing pulls my attention away. And if someone distracts me or interrupts me when I'm focused on something I get mad!

I move on random impulses...sometimes I jump into stuff without thinking it through.

I struggle with time management...I lose track of time, and I underestimate how long things are going to take.

But then on the flip side, all those tabs will definitely have a ton of creative ideas in them.

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As a recording artist having ADHD can be good, but it's also terrible at the same time.

Songwriting & Recording

When inspiration hits though, it’s so dope! I’ll write the song, record the song, and write the video treatment in one span of hyper-focus. But as soon as that energy fades, recording my ad-libs or coming up with the harmonies can start to stress me out.

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I star to burnout with the writing and can't seem to get anything down on paper or record anything. That makes me feel defeated, then I just want to just give up on whatever I'm working on at the time.

Filming & Editing Reels

My brain sees the transitions and angles before I even press record, that makes filming go by fast! Editing, though? Yall, that’s where time disappears. If I don’t set a timer, I’ll color-grade the same clip until the sun comes up! I'm a perfectionist so if I don't set timers I will fall down the "it has to be 100% perfect" rabbit hole.

Live Performances

Stage adrenaline is my bff! I focus perfecting every lyric, socialize with everyone, I love every bit of crowd energy. But the tiny details around the show (Payments, call times, outfit changes, water bottle, in-ears) can be too much for me mentally. I depend heavily on my written checklists and a “show buddy” to keep me on track.

Those are just a few examples of ways that ADHD affects me as an artist in the music world. There're so many more!

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I've realized ADHD is misunderstood by so many people, even people who have it and don’t know it. I am 1 of the people who totally misunderstood what it really is.

That’s why I wanted to start off my blog with this topic!

I lived so long thinking I was just “too much,” or “all over the place,” or “Always having too many things going on,” when in reality, my brain just works differently. And honestly, I think it’s beautiful. Exhausting, yes! But beautiful too.

Understanding this has been helping me to stop being so hard on myself. I started using practical things like timers, journals, trackers and checklist. I also lean on my close friends and family for support.

So, if you’ve ever felt like your mind moves too fast for the world around you… you’re not alone.

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It’s a Gift…But It’s Also Draining

When I tell ya'll it’s a blessing and a curse? lord knows I'm not joking!

On the blessing side: I’m super creative, I get ideas constantly. I’ve started so many successful projects, shows, and collaborations just off the strength of how fast my brain works. I’ve helped other artists bring their visions to life too because of how naturally ideas come to me. It’s like a creative superpower sometimes. I can tackle multiple things at once...I'm a master at multitasking!

But on the flip side? It's hard for me to focus on 1 main task for too long! It can get real overwhelming. My mind doesn’t stop. I’ll drop a new song and the next day, I’m already thinking about the next one.

I rarely sit in the moment and process and celebrate what I’ve done. It's honestly hard for me to "stop and smell the roses."

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As an independent artist, we have to wear so many hats, from creating songs, content creation, booking, recording to marketing. All of those thugs take time & focus...and when your brain is wired like mine, you can end up hyper-focused on one thing while the rest of your to-do list is falling apart behind you.

Me personally, I hyperfocus on multiple things at once, and I will go into overdrive so that I don't let anything fall behind. This is hard mentally because I get disappointed and extremely hard on myself when 1 thing falls behind. That itself is exhausting at times.

It’s like I’m always in “go” mode. Yea, it helps me hustle and get things done, but it also drains me at times. It’s hard to find balance when your mind won’t let you slow down.

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Therapy Wasn’t Easy to Start, But I’m Glad I Did

 I didn't wana be a girl that lays on a couch while the therapist asked,

"Ok, and how did that make you feel?"

Once I got diagnosed, I realized early that talking to my family and friends around me about it didn't really help because no one really knew anything about ADHD. Noone knew how to answer any of my questions or help me with it. Tbh some of my family members said some very judgmental & mean things to me, which led me to try therapy. I just needed someone to talk to who knew what the heck was going on and how to fix it. I found a therapist who specifically specialized in ADHD & mental health which made explaining things easy!

Okayyyyy so to be real starting therapy was a mentally hard choice for me to make. I grew up in a typical Black family, therapy wasn’t something we talked about or admitted we needed. Mental health definitely took a backseat in my household, and discussions about it were never had. The general vibe for my life was all about power...even as a little girl I was taught to tough it out and keep pushing, it didn't matter the emotional or psychological weight I was carrying.

Honestly, if mental health issues ever came up, the normal response from my people was something like, “You’ll be ok, just keep going.” "I don't wana talk about that stuff." "Ain't nothing wrong with you." "That's just how you are."

I'm sure this came from a "good place", but a lot of heavy feelings got pushed aside, and left unresolved. The stigma around mental health in my world made trying to get help feel like a sign of weakness instead of a step towards healing and growth.

A lot of black people overly value strength, and we were taught not to show emotion, which created a culture where being vulnerable is laughed at. I remember feeling like I had to put on a fake brave face, pretending everything was fine when, deep down, I was battling with a storm of emotions and struggles that I had to face by myself.

When I finally decided to try therapy, y'all I'm not gonna lie I was nervous as heck, it felt like stepping into some kinda unknown territory. I was having so much anxiety because I didn't know what to expect.

I was worried about if my therapist would actually understand my background...like, I needed someone to understand the "feeling" of what I experienced growing up. I didn't wana be a girl that lays on a couch while the therapist said, "And how did that make you feel?" over and over.

Fast forward to now, therapy has become a safe place where I can break down my thoughts, talk about my upbringing, and how the expectations of this crazy society in general are impacting my mental well-being. Each session feels like I am taking a step towards better understanding myself and learning that it’s perfectly fine to ask for help.

My therapy sessions helped me slow down. Not in a way that kills my creativity, but in a way that helps me direct it better. Instead of chasing ten projects at once and feeling like I’m drowning, I’m learning how to focus on one thing at a time and actually pour into it fully.

Ya'll I still struggle with it... it’s still a work in progress. I have about 5 projects I'm working on at the same time right now lol! But I’ve found so much peace just in having someone to talk to who understands how ADHD affects the way I move, think & feel.

I know there are a lot of people who might be feeling the same way I did, and I just want to inspire them to take the step toward therapy. Even if it's not actual therapy, find someone you can talk to that will genuinely listen. Talking about your issues can definitely lead to deep healing and personal growth. I think it's important to focus on breaking the cycle of silence. It's so important to start opening the door for healthy conversations about mental health in our families.

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The Studio Is My Safe Place

One thing that’s been a huge help for my ADHD is being at the recording studio. People who know me will tell you "Lashae is always in the studio!" I don’t even think I realized how much it helped until I started really paying attention.

First of all, the comfortability that I feel! Walking into the studio feels like coming home...it just feels natural. It gives my brain exactly what it needs! Its calming and energizing at the same time. It makes it so easy to get into my creative flow. It’s beyond fun! We always have all kinds of ideas bouncing around, and inspiration is literally everywhere you look.

I'm learning that my brain is always on the hunt for a dopamine hit, "the stuff that makes us all feel good."

And let me tell y'all, the studio delivers every freakin time! The different types of music blasting through the speakers makes me feel at peace! To make it even better there’s always a mix of artists coming and going, every one of them has their own vibe, which is dope! Constant activity around me, people singing and rapping, instruments being played, and conversations going on, people laughing...I'm never bored!

"It fuels my brain and my fills my mental happy jar."

It's like a sanctuary for me. I get to focus on my craft and be surrounded by people who are just as passionate about it as I am. The daily talks I get to have with other artists teach me a lot. They keep ideas flowing and push me to step outside my comfort zone. Every trip to the studio feels like an adventure to me, there's always something new going on! It’s the one place where I can be my authentic self and experience the fun and chaos of the music journey.

The studio is my first form of therapy...it’s been my ADHD medicine. It's my playground, and my church all in one. I’ve built a family there, and that sense of community has really helped me stay grounded. When I’m creating music, I’m not overthinking. I’m just being me.

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Since I've started opening up about it and telling people how long I went undiagnosed people always ask me "How do they know they have it?"

Everybody is different but there are some main signs and symptoms that I learned to look out for:

1: Inattention (aka: your brain is a browser with 30 tabs open…)

• You walk into a room to find your phone, but all of a sudden, you’re cleaning your bookshelf, half-watching a YouTube video, and your phone is…still lost.

• You’re reading a sentence over and over because your brain keeps bouncing to unrelated random thoughts like “Did I feed the dogs?” or “I wonder if dolphins sleep.”

• You start a lot of projects or ideas with excitement but finishing them feels like trying to push a boulder up a hill.

2: Hyperfocus (aka: getting lost in a vortex when something excites you)

• You sit down to write a song or build something and then all of a sudden 6 hours have passed and you forgot to eat or pee.

• You’re obsessed with learning or doing something new, until one day your interest disappears like it never existed.

Your brain feels like has two gears: full speed ahead or stuck in neutral. There’s hardly ever an in-between.

3: Impulsivity (aka: acting before thinking, or reacting faster than your filter can catch up)

• You blurt things out in conversations and then regret it later.

• You buy something unnecessary because the idea felt amazing in the moment…then forget why you needed it.

• You suddenly quit a job or relationship, convinced yourself it was the right move, but feel conflicted later.

4: Emotional Dysregulation (aka: your feelings have no volume knob)

• A small inconvenience can trigger a huge reaction: crying, anger, anxiety.

• You may beat yourself up over things that you feel others let go of easily.

• You carry emotional pain longer than most people, because your brain replays it on loop.

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5: Time Blindness (aka: time doesn’t feel real or linear)

• You underestimate how long a task will take and end up rushing or being late.

• Deadlines sneak up on you like a ninja.

• You lose track of time easily and say, “I’ll just do this for 5 minutes" then 2 hours later, you’re still doing it.

6: Forgetfulness & Disorganization (aka: where did I put that thing I was just holding?)

• You constantly lose keys, phones, wallets, etc. even in your own house.

• You forget appointments, birthdays, or to reply to texts, even though you genuinely care.

• Your physical space can get cluttered quickly and cleaning it can make you feel overwhelmed.

7: Restlessness (mental or physical)

• You have a hard time sitting still or relaxing, even when you want to.

• Your brain feels like it’s always on, racing with ideas, worries, or plans.

• You talk a lot, fidget, doodle, or multitask constantly to keep your brain stimulated.

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I’m Still Figuring It Out…But I’m learning daily

Living with ADHD ain't easy, but I’m finally starting to understand myself and how to work with my brain instead of constantly fighting it. Now that I'm aware of what it is, I can catch myself and control my thoughts when my ADHD kicks in. I’m trying to give myself grace. I’m learning how to stay focused without burning out. I’m figuring out how to enjoy my wins instead of rushing to the next thing.

And I wanted to share this with ya'll... not as an expert or somebody who already got it "figured out", but just as a person. A creative. An artist.

I'm just trying to make peace with my mind & continue chasing my dreams.

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Now I Wana Hear From Yall…

I would love to know have ya'll ever dealt with ADHD? Or even just felt the pressure of being “on” all the time and juggling too much at once? Have y'all tried therapy, or found your own version of peace and healing?

Drop a comment below. Share your story. Give some advice. Or just say “me too” if you can relate. I want this blog to be a space where we keep it real, uplift each other, and remind ourselves that it’s okay to not have it all figured out!

Love, Lashae